A) am looking for a woman
B) encourage my husband to look for women
nor
C) am a sexual deviant
Many women find other women attractive, yet do not intend to act on it for whatever reason. I have female friends who like to watch manless pornos, but do not want to be intimate with another woman. Had I not gotten married to my husband, I would have dated a woman if the opportunity arose. I met the Dikini first, though, so he's the person who got my heart and body.
You're now wondering what the hell I am on about. I'm getting there, ya fudge-mustache. Gimme a second, will ya?
Kinsey, folks. He had a good point.
I play free online poke when the mood strikes. Yesterday, a man (Named Shogunate, yes, really) tried to hit on me at a table. I told him I was married and he persisted, trying to convince me I should take a risk and indulge whatever strange notions bowled around in his head. When I told him risk was good in poker but bad in a marriage, another woman liked my response and told me so. He then called the woman a lesbian, referred to her as Ellen, and called her a carpet muncher.
Oh yes, he soooooo did.
I came to her defense and told him I was half lesbian, just not a practicing one, and that he could call me Ellen, too. Then I joked my husband thought he was lucky because he doesn't get in trouble for looking at an attractive woman. Meanwhile, the guy is still making homophobic comments about this woman at the table for some unfuckingfathomable reason. The woman told him she was married and the guy responded he was, as well...+ three kids.
Then he turned his attention back to me and told me I had a lot to learn about relationships and my husband was likely cheating on me that very second. If I allowed my husband to look at other women, it would only be so long before he broke the Cerberus chains all women affix to their husband at marriage and went wild, humping everything in sight as Cerberus itself probably wanted to do but never had a long enough lunch break to achieve.
I paraphrased that last bit. Damn the bastards of nay. Tell a guy not interested and suddenly I'm attacked for being faithful, while he (without realizing it) admits he was trying to be UNfaithful. And because I said women were attractive, I immediately had questionable fidelity and--this cracked me up--was said to have watched too much porn by a Shogunate sidekick trying to get his Yays in. For those of y'all unfamiliar with midgetspeak, after I said I think women are attractive another guy at the poker table feigned disgust, implying because I think women are attractive I must act on it, and then said I was shameful and watched too much porn.
Absoludicrous. I'm not going to lie about finding women attractive, but that little fact does not give me special privileges in a marriage. I am in a heterosexual marriage and I don't intend to indulge in anything else. If asked, I will tell you my attractions may blur the line, but my actions do not.
He really took the cake and the ice cream when he said, "Midget, you have a lot to learn about trust in a relationship."
Excuse me, Freud, but do you realize what you're preaching is the exact opposite of trust? Even if trust had an ugly, inbred third cousin once removed, ^^^^^^ would not be it. By your estimation, a man can only be faithful if I spritz him with a water bottle or order him not to look at other women. Such a case would be me being controlling, not him being faithful, in case you missed it. You gave an accurate portrayal of bitter projecting, however. It's rather obvious you feel your wife does not care, and try to get in a little Throckmorton Magycka when you're feeling underappreciated. Here's a tasty little tidbit you don't know, Spudnick. YOU are cheating to get CAUGHT. You are not doing it because you cannot keep it in your pants; you are doing it because it's been a while since your wife has been in 'em and you want to needle some passion out of her. When I shot you down in front of other people, you took it poorly and went on the offensive.
If you're desperate, try sitting on your hand. I hear that makes masturbation more exotic for guys. Or not. I really don't care what you do with your penis, so your wife and I have something in common, it seems.
Trust has to be given IN FAITH to someone, not enforced. YOU started by looking at women. Your wife didn't stop you. You talked to women. Your wife didn't stop you. You went out with women. Your wife didn't stop you. You had sex with them. Your wife didn't stop you. You're trying to punish your wife by playing a game of What can I catch in my pants?!
I can't wait until you catch it's sequel, It's Incurable! Now, what?
Damn you bastards of Nay, you lemmings of Yay. Hypocrisy is the fruit of ignorance, so congrats Shogunate, you're the biggest fruit I've met all year!
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